Not long ago, I came across a very intriguing and mischievous piece of poetry. Thanx to Geethu, my cousin sis, her friend’s sleepy, forgotten blog was brought to my attention. There I found the following words…
I am Neha, I steal spoons
I steal spoons from the kitchen
and store them in my room
in a chipped white bowl to be precise
7 spoons in the bowl
then I go to the kitchen
and watch people search for spoons
they look through drawers, cupboards and sinks
but they find no spoons
then I take it up a notch
and accuse people of stealing spoons
as they stutter and mutter in their defense
I chuckle in my head
for I am neha and I steal spoons.
Now, I felt that this was kinda wicked, and I need to know more. And so I reverted with…
I am Harish, I lose spoons.
I lose ’em from my kitchen,
I lose ’em from my rooms.
Could be that a hungry poltergeist
Stole my spoon-set whole;
Maybe a thieving bunch-o-spoony-goons,
Or there’s a spoon-engulfing hole.
Have searched for them,
Searched and how,
Searched over many moons;
But there ain’t no story
Of disappearing spoons,
Even in ’em ancient runes.
There’s a legend though,
‘Bout a spoon stealin’ girl
Who if I ever meet,
Shall I reprimand;
But for now
There’s not much I can do,
Except to eat things
With my hand
It all makes me laugh,
And chuckle, in my head,
To think, I am a loon.
For I am Harish and I lose spoons.
I got my cousin sis to get this poem across to Neha, to see if there is more to this unusual hobby. And in a few hours, I get a reply…
I am Neha, I steal spoons,
I have been doing this for quite a few moons.
Alas, the road I travel grows weary and lonesome,
No one about except me, my spoons and half a bottle of rum.
So this is an open call,
to one and all.
Come join me in my pursuit,
and add to my spoon loot.
Your eyes will gleam with pleasure,
when you see your first spoon treasure.
We can steal spoons of every kind,
silver, wooden and any other that our eyes can find.
No more spoons shall you ever lose,
To lose or to steal, it is yours to choose.
The benefits I offer are a plenty,
my favourite is that awesome thrill,
when you spot the spoon and go for the kill.
I offer spoons to balance on your nose,
or even as inspiration for prose.
Join me and you will realise,
Eating with your hands, chopsticks or a fork is a bore,
stick with me and you will have spoons galore.
For I am Neha and I steal many a spoon,
Won’t you be my fellow goon?
Whoaaaaaa a job offer! This was way too cool. I had to explore. So then…
Hey there Neha,
The stealer of spoons,
I knew I would run into you
Later or soon.
Will admit, at first, I was angry,
But now my head’s kinda swirled;
For intrigued now, I am,
With the proposition, you’ve twirled.
True that eating with hands
I really don’t wanna do more;
Especially since drinking hot soup etc.
Have turned ’em kinda sore.
But now you got me confused,
To steal or to lose;
I would rather not choose.
Instead I will look at my strengths,
And extrapolate the lengths,
To which I can be of use!
Stealing, I ain’t so good at,
But would love to join the crew,
Will pass on the rum,
But I sure can hum
And so i’ll hum a hum or two.
How about this, pray tell,
That I work my magical spell,
To catalogue your treasure,
And give you an exact measure,
And all the data on MS Excel?
Do give it a thought
And say if you don’t mind,
Can I be a spoon-goon
Of a different kind?
I promise to bring order,
To all the spoons that are strewn;
For I’ll be Harish, cataloguer of stolen spoons!
To which she replied…
Today I found myself in a cafe,
There I saw a spoon by the cream parfait,
I stole it and my heart jumped with glee,
Until I found out the spoon was for free.
Perhaps I am getting rusty,
Quite like the loot in a sack all musty,
Organisation is what I need,
Could even do with a spoon stealers creed.
Excel sheets sound perfect,
You are hired by immediate effect.
What is the remuneration you might need,
That plus loads of entertainment is guaranteed.
This is a huge responsibility,
The spoon stealing business is quite the liability.
The spoons not only need to be organized,
But the spoons owned and free need to be recognized.
Together we can locate spoons on new soils,
Then eat hot soup with our spoils.
I am Neha and I steal many a spoon,
And am looking forward to you joining pretty soon.
Aha! I thought about it, and went…
I think I may know,
To check if a spoon’s for free or no;
Its a quick fix test of sorts,
Kind of a touch and go.
When in doubt,
Drop a spoon down;
And when you do that,
Make a lotta sound.
If no one cares,
The spoons are for free;
And they’re not,
If the maitre d’ does frown!
Guess I can be of help,
As you can see.
All this and more,
For a paltry fee.
Pay me in songs,
Whenever you can;
And once in a while,
Gimme concert tickets free.
I hope that I ain’t
Asking for too much,
And that it’d be cool
With you too, as such.
I wish that our
Requirements are a match,
Cause I can’t wait to get started
On the first spoon batch!
Do drop in a simple
Yes or No, fellow goon,
And I will see you soon
On the dark side of the moon!
And just like that, a random conversation happened…
… over stolen spoons.