I read somewhere – “If you want something truly…with all your heart, the whole universe conspires to ensure that you get it!”…either it was Paulo Coelho…or some old Chinese wise-guy saying…or it was a stupid e-mail forward that got stuck in my head. Whoever/whatever it be …they sure did miss out on an anti-corollary that appends itself to this wonderfully ‘oh-so-positive’ thought. It reads: “ If you are in deep shit…the entire world conspires to pile it higher n deeper…while they wait at the sidelines…sniggering!”

I developed a sore throat. In roughly ten minutes…my soundbox went from a ultra powerful Marshall Amp to a ‘raste ka maal saste main’ ear-phone output. It was like…my Larynx suddenly said… ‘That’s it boss…I need a break’. I said sorry dear Larynx…for as long as I can imagine…people have been wanting me to SHUT UP, one particular human being I know…wanted me to SHUT MY FACE and reminded me to do so at an average of every 23.57 minutes/day. It didn’t help…ultimately she left the country…(No kidding…she says she went for higher studies, but I know the real reason!). The reason that I don’t shut up is not that I won’t…it’s more like I can’t. There is so much to say…and it’s probably what I do best. So dear Larynx …back to your sweat-shop! The conversation ended on a dry note…and I knew I will have to deal with this in a more harsh a manner, but right now I was at the mercy of me bro Larynx.

Now back to my ‘when in deep shit… part’, the moment my ‘friends’ got the hint of my lost vocal prowess…they started suffering from ‘hearing impediments’. This medical situation was usually accompanied by incredulous looking eyes and sly grins. They enjoyed every minute of having me talk…Bastroids! As the day progressed it got worse…I got calls from all over the place. Friends who remained friends, friends who had been enemies…enemies who had been friends…everyone…absolutely all of them…chose that particular day to call me…rather than mail or message!!! Then I got a wrong number…by the time, I actually finished telling him that it was the wrong person he was talking to…he had spoken to me for 15 odd minutes…I got to know, all about the stock market updates, why the Indian cricket players should be shot…what Rahul Gandhi did…Bob Woolmer update…daily train travel problems…Rakhi Sawant’s new music video…all!! Next in line…my cell –fone service providers…by the time I sed “ For god’s sake…I am not interested”, I was updated on all their ‘plans’…from GPRS and caller tunes to anti-ballistic cellular warfare, and all that was supposedly FREE, and still cost me 30 bucks a month at the same time!!! At last …when the credit card guy called…I just cut the call…and sent him a picture message with an impeccable display of the middle finger.

Mr Larynx has been treated on everything from salt water gargles to antibiotics to Mom’s super spicey Rasams to Snape’s Potions…it won’t be long before, it is revived back to the usual sonic excellence…So watch out all ye detractors…V for Vendetta ad infinitum…

I proclaim …like any true full blooded Schwarzenegger loving Mallu would say….ALBEEE BAAAG!!!