So then, I see Wolverine struggle up to me in the middle of the final fight as Magneto controls him to make Wolvie’s claw poke his own ass, making him dance about. Wolverine shouts, “ Come on quick RixxawMan… we don’t have much time. Ouchh! At least, I don’t… before I am scarred for life …Ouuii… only you can help us out!”, and I reply, with a resilient, power-packed… “ Yeaaah!”
Everyone wishes to be special. And I realized that I was special, some time back! Ever since I saw Iron-Man, I have been tempted to make an identity reveal, and since celeb blogging is the rage these days, I thought might as well! So behold… I am …
My power: <drum-roll> I have the ability to affect auto rickshaw drivers, and provide for entertaining rick-rides.
I know, I know, I know that I have powers of a slightly weird kind.… but hey, it’s a start! Nevertheless, to continue for my err fans, how I may have got this power you ask? Frankly, I don’t know. Perhaps there’s a mechanical engineering based link to the whole aspect, but I think it was the scratch that I got, when alighting out from one ominous ride, and guess some higher powers decided that instead of tetanus, I was given – responsibility!
The name ‘RickshawMan’ would have just provided you an imagery of an old ‘one foot in grave’ guy pulling a rickshaw in the chilly morns of Kolkata. So rather than that I thought up of an uber cool superhero V2.0 name, with an ‘x’ effect – ‘RixxawMan’ ! To continue with my coolness quotient, I am endowed with well toned muscle, and a single ab, sans the pansy cape and chaddi on the outside! Speaking again of my powers … it took me a few rick rides to really discover what I could actually do as RixxawMan.
Let me give you my top 5 ricksperienecs!
5> The Disciple: <As a rick pulled in> I said, “Chalo Bhai… Andheri jaana hain!” He nods, PUTS ON THE METER …and drives away…. with me left standing at the kerb of the road! :O
I discover my Mind Control power!
4> The Indian Idol: Me and my accomplice La Maathey < My French Oracle! Yes…you may bow to my style and finesse > promise to give a torturous rendition of a song all the way, to an adversary for some catty comments she made on us about our vocal prowess. We take our off-tune singing very very seriously. So we are about to get into the rick… Miss Catty, gives a slip and takes the side seat disabling the use of our right hand side Dolby speaker <La Maathey>. Ms. Catty begins to snigger, and celebrate her li’l victory, when I unleash my power! Our rick-driver gets on to a full throated Bihari number, clocking 127.8 decibels, and made the concert lasts for the duration of the rick ride. Oracle and I, found our powers being acknowledged by a shivering new fan!
I discover my Sonic Control power!
3> Mr Ice Guy: Me and La Maathey, are again ricking our way back… on the day of serial train blasts. There was much panic. We were sitting quite, when rickshaw guy says, “ Aaaj toh raste kaafi khaali hain!” We say, “ Haan bomb blasts ke kaaran, sab jaldi ghar gaye honge!” Mr Ice Guy, as if he just heard something as common as sunrise/sunset “Achha… bomb blasts hue hain kya? Hmmmm…”
I discover my Chaos Control power!
2> The Joker: What’s a super hero without wit! So then after long dull, sordid day, my friends get picked up, by me in a rick. And in response to our sullen moods, the rick guy starts his ‘sit-down’comedy! He takes us through detailed descriptions of films like Hera Pheri, 123 and Welcome and has us in splits throughout the journey. He then got into poojofying the Lord of the Lords Mithunda, and compared his punches to hits with a iron frying pan! He ended his sit-down stand-up, eulogizing God Mithun, “Mithun hain na… woh toh India ka Undertaker hain”! Very punny… if you see it!
I discover my Mood Control power!
1>Hippocrates: So then La Mathey and I are again in a rick ride, when our rick guy, slightly cuts another rick enroute making the other guy swerve a bit! Happens all the time you say? The other guy revs up… skids to a halt in front our rick. He gets out.. Rajni style, and barsofies on our thin weedy rick guy! All his convos are in “ What ifs”. “ Dhakka lagta toh?” “ Tail light foot-ta toh” “ Accident main hame lag jaata toh” … Our guy meekly said, “ Arre bhai lekin kuch hua nahin na!” This angered him even more, and he said the following lines: <I am still pinching myself while writing this>, “ Mere gaadi main jo baitha hain na woh heart patient hain… WOH MARR JAATA TOH!”
La Maathey- :O
Our Rick Guy- :O
Heart Patient- :O
Presently a Traffic Hawaldar swoops in… lands a whack on the back of the emotional rickdriver guy for stalling traffic and sends him off with a “Tichya Maaila.. chal hadddddd!!” We continued the journey in total bewilderment!
I discover my Total WTF power!
“RixxawMan, will please stop blogging and …ooh… Aaah… Ouch… Rrrasscue me ”, said Wolvie with tears in his eyes. And I replied with yet another deep baritone, fear rendering, chill to the bones types, “ Yeaaah!”
I use my Mind Control powers and yelled, “By the Powers of the Rixxaw” and get a dozen a rickshaws to turn up, complete with dhinchak jhankar beats and all.
Magneto smiles evilly and begins to attract the ricks to himself so that he could crush them. But, he underestimate my soober Mallu logic. I then use my Total WTF powers and get Himesh Reshammiya to apparate out of one of the ricks and then I back it up with my Sonic control power, and unleash a murderous…zara jhoom jhoom, zara jhoom jhoom,zara jhoom jhoom, zara jhoom… and Magneto jhoomofies to the extent not only gets de-magnetized but also get reverse polarized! <Total WTF power remember!>Then the focass shifts and the hunter becomes the hunted. Wolverine bellows, “Up Yours” and as Magneto, goes pale as he gets impaled…
I see that my work here was done… I wave to the other Xmen… I blow a kiss to the pretty Halle Berry and in true Southie style I approach one of the ricks in slow motion, and say, “Bhaiyya, Andheri jaana hain!” He nods and zooms away into the horizon…
… leaving me standing there in a cloud of exhaust!