BatMon was still learning. After the proclamation to serve Goutham City in his previous blogpost , there was not much ground that he had covered (and he was feeling rather stupid for taking the oath as well. But the damage was already done). He had taken many a wrong steps & as a matter of fact, one particular one had given him a swollen ankle.

But ever determined to succeed and to do his part right, like all good superheroes, he tried to be helpful. To know more on this, he did some web research. Spidey promptly sued him for unauthorized access into his domain. Alfie, BatMon’s Manager, got that one artbitrated over a round of desi and appams.

BatMon’s second attempt on being the harbinger of surprises and happiness was doubly dhamaakedaar. He looked up and searched as to which super hero or superhero like figure was looked at with much respect and love. He tried to emulate being the black version of the red guy, and started dropping alcohol bottles down the chimneys of the neighbourhood houses, at the stroke of the midnight hour.

There is still a serial arsonist case pending at Goutham City police Station, against the 10 houses that were burnt to cinders by a masked marauder.

As the wipmy BatMon cried into the night, yet again, as on every other night, he met him.

Silhouette Person: “Yo Mon BatMon, ssup dawg!”

BatMon: “You got the wrong animal Pa … bugger off”

SP: “Come now … I am not here to preach. I am here to help you … the name’s Murugan!”

BM: “Right … and what do you do?”

M: “Me … Nothing! I am just a free man!”

BM: “So what does that make you?”

M: “Murugan Freeman”

BM: “Right … I have heard of you. I always thought you were a voice over!”

MF: “On most days yes … but for you, as of today, I am your in house tech expert. I come to you, with years and years of texperience to boast off. Any Mallu super cool stuff, you name it … I made it.

Slip-on elastic lungies to waterproof anti-rain undies. Diet Coco to Microwave Payasam to Moustache curlers to Paper Dosa 2.0! ”

BM: ” WTF is Paper Dosa 2.0 ?”

MF: ” You get an actual paper with all the Masala to read along while you eat? Aint it neat?”

BM:”Hmmm … but why do you want to help me?”

MF: ” I owe almost all of my success to your father. As a kid I was young … ”

BM: “Would have never guessed!”

MF: ” … and heady! After discovering the slip-on lungi, my name had spread far and wide… in Goutham city. And I started looking down on people. One day, I drank too much and started abusing your father, and I laughed off Alfie’s coconut-flavored-groundnut-brandy-with-sparkling-banana chips AlfieQ. Your father couldn’t stand me disgracing his dear friend & had thrown a challenge, as to who will find the solution to Kerala’s biggest problem, faced by 80% of Mallus all over Juhu- Chowpatty and other beaches – Cutting the Coconut to drink the water within!”

BM:  * Snore… Snore…ZZZZzzzzz!*

MF:”… we were to meet exactly one year later and demonstrate out skills.

Using all the money I earned from the patents, I reached Shaolin, a mountaineous village just off Palakkad, and learnt the “7-slash polyhedral-coconut-break-technique”

And on the D-day, I reached over to your father’s house. I called him names, and got all the villagers together, hell bent on disgracing your family name. Knowing that I would totally kill it,  I displayed my awesumness technique, for which I spent all my fortunes and trained like crazy for a year.

* Batmon groggily wakes up, rolls over to a nearby tree, waters it, rolls back to sleep *

MF: “After my powerfully powerful show of strength I was expecting a jaw transplant for your Pappa, supposed to be caused due it crashing into the floor … but … your Father didn’t even blink an eye. He smiled. He took his coconut and in one neat move, ran a handy power-drill through it, put a straw in and drunk it smugly!  The villagers clapped.  A battery operated handy power drill… that was it … the solution to a million Malayali coconut vendors over the world. Oh and how they rejoiced! Coconut husks thrown skywards in celebration, blocked out the sun!

Your Pappa had never even left his shop and had quadrupled his earnings. He only spent Rs.1999.99 on Item code:  B@TP0P from Tele Shopping Network. My aerodynamic wind tunnel tested HattoriKuttan Hanzo Ammaman’s sword alone had cost me 50 times as much. No cable in Shaolin … so no TSN, otherwise perhaps the story could have been different. But that’s destiny!

He taught me an important lesson that day…

BatMon: * muttering in sleep* “Mmmm Batgirl… Mmmmm. Who Pappa whoooo. Yeah baby…. Yes Batterram Bam Bam!”

MF:”Even a perfect thing, can still be perfected. He taught me that! Now, the right time is afoot and I shall pass on the legacy to…  Oh you are asleep! I never noticed … perhaps another time!”

* to himself aloud * “Wow he has made a Bat Tent with his cape … but, sadly it only covers his waist! I will have to optimize it. All in good time! Sleep Batmon, Mon Ami, Sleep! May Your Bat Hood always come to your rescue ! (He meant the mask you twisted creeps!)”

What happens to BatMon? How does Murugan help him find his destiny? Was Batgirl truly satisfied …. for all this tune … no may be not the last question… but for the rest, tune in next time. Same BatSite. same BatURL!


Next Episode:

BatMon Beggings!

BatMon begs Murugan to make him cool! And cool he gets with gadgets and new equipments! Murugan at his best!

Note:  BatMon & Batcove episode was censored by the board, as scientists out there seems to be a continued argument regarding the Batting positions. Also the board felt that as an author I was turning on the heat too early, for cheap publicity! Such batty creatures …

Very Very Bat Joke:

Q: Hey Batmon, you and Robin attended the same courses in college?

A: No, different courses, but he was my Bat-mate  😛