As had been oracle-ized in the previous post, BatMon started begging Murugan to make him cool & powerful! He begged, he super-begged and he ultra mega begged. Murugan had said yes to him at the drop of the first beg & peg, but BatMon persisted just to show-off his persistence power.
Proof: Once his ‘then alive’ Peppa casually bet Clijju (alter ego BatMon) that he can’t pee more than 4 meters. Clijju, then aged 5, put himself on a no pee, only beer diet for 3 continuous days and went on to define what is now known as the Gautham City’s legendary CLOP (Clijju’s Line Of Persistence) Street.
Murugan: (waking BatMon from his reverie) “What every superhero needs, is a secret base, from where he can control his operations! And since there are not many caves in Goutham city, I found an old empty well instead. From today it will be known as Bat-Well! Remember, everything that we use from now on… should have the prefix ‘Bat’. It’s all about branding. ”
BatMon: “Bat Why? I mean but why?”
Murugan: “Bat Fact # 32 – You are black, your clothing is black & you go into the black night to hunt villains. If you don’t do branding people will accredit it all to – The Invisible Mon, you bat-head!!!”
BatMon: “Bat-point taken!”
Murugan: “Come now, follow me, I will show you your Bat-gears!”
BatMon: “Yep brb (bat right back), I will see you on the dark side of the Bat-Well soon. I need to pick the black lungis and the black banians that I gave to Chinnu-mol, for washing.”
Murugan: “BatMon, remember, NO ONE should know of our secret location!”
BatMOn: “NOW YOU TELL ME, YOU OLD FOOL… I just Bat-Twittered ‘New Hideout found, Hide-out warming party on Bat Sat Nite! Bat-RT Plz!”
Murugan: “YOU RAT-BRAINED-BAT, NO more communications, of any form, from outside the Bat-Well.
BatMon: “ Fine! Fine! Bat Off now!”
When BatMon returned to Bat-Well…. what lay in front of him, blew his head off.
1> The Bat-Suit: The Bat-Suit consisted of 3 parts: Bat-Mask, Bat-Vest & the Bat-Mundu! The difference was that, these were now reinforced with sun-dried coconut shells, flattened out and coated with termite protection & doubly-layered titanium coated razor blades. Cutting-edge technology on show!
2> The Bat-Mobile: The biggest goof-up in the history of comics, was rectified by Murugan, by ensuring that Bat-mobile now actually is a Mobile! He had assembled the strongest cell-phone ever customized in history, by using sun-dried coconut shells, flattened out and coated with termite protection & doubly-layered titanium coated razor blade and putting it on top of a Bat-Nokia 3310. Edge technology again!
3> The BAtlas Cycle: This was a customized version of Clijju’s Peppa’s bicycle fitted with the blaring horn of the local idli-seller Rajappan. The master craftsman, that Murugan was, did the modification in less than 30 seconds! As Murugan proclaimed with tears in his eyes, “ And this BatMon, is my greatest creation! This is your BAtlas Cycle my boy, with a new SONAR Blaster horn. Now your pimped up ride is eco-friendly as well as echo-friendly! “
4> The Batli-lityBelt: Batmon’s utility belt, consisted of discarded little Parachute and Ujala bottles( which makes up for 41.45% of refuse in Mallu houeholds) painted black and filled with all possible liquids, that could help him. Beer & vodka shots, HCL & sulphuric acid, Snake Venom & anti venom, Chloroform & Styrofoam everything… Coconut Oil?– Obviously! Due to some initial start-up trouble and forgetting which bottle contains what, Batmon now has a Bat shaped hole in his trachea.
5> The Batter – Rangs/Hooks: This was another collab between Idli vendor Rajappan & Murugan. All the unsold idilies*(which practically accounted for all idlies made), were purchased by Murugan and after cutting up into little bat shapes, they were allowed to remain overnight. They automatically turned titanium hard. Now this solved the problems over stake outs & stealth missions alike. Batmon could use it as a hook to grapple or throw as a boomerang as well and munch on it over long hungry nights. Murugan who was a knowledgeable man got inspired to make this, on remembering the famous (Movie-)Mughal Emperor Nasir-ud-din Shah famous words of wisdom: Thoda Khaaneka, Thoda Fekneka….
BatMon quickly got himself into the gears and cycled his way laboriously into the dark inky night! Alfie & Murugan wiped away their tears, and drank to his health.
Does BatMon’s suit hold up? Did Chinnumol do a good job at washing? How much did Alfie & Murugan drink that night? Tune in next time. Same BatSite. Same BatURL!
*Unsold Idlies: In Kerala, every house at any point in time, has more idlies than house-flies, per square meter, [as per the WHO & FDA joint census venture 2008]. So an idli vendor in Kerala is considered the lowest order degenerate whose skill is secondary to that of the lazy local 3 footed, one eyed, half-eared mongrel. No mongrelian feelings were meant to be harmed while framing the above statement.
Batmon finds a fiery adversary. As to every ‘Ying’, there is a ‘Yang’. Similarly as to every ‘Ping’, there is a ‘Pong’. Similarly, as to every ‘Batmon’ there is a …… ‘JOGGER’! What happens in a face-off when Batmon’s black face, comes face to face, with The Jogger’s white face. The Rising Of The Jogger!
Very Very Bat Joke:
Q: Where does Batmon keep all his money?
A: In his Bat-wa 😛